As I sit here being lazy on my birthday I'm sorry to my family who wanted to go out to celebrate my day . I just get real depressed on my birthdays I always have but especially as I'm getting older because that means others I love are getting older too and I know it's meant to celebrate another year but I look at it as another year closer to losing people I love very much . Fucked up way to think of it but it's what it is . I start thinking back to when I was a kid like it was yesterday running around at Fort Lauderdale stadium cheering for the Yankees in spring training . That first time was over 30 years ago and time has flown . I've lost all my grandparents and some close friends since then and it sucks . I just don't want to lose people I care for so every year of getting older it's always closer . I need to invent a drug that reverses time for real chic wedding selections with ruffle or ruching